The pain you have caused me
by black angel falling
Summary: my english essey pleeeease read. Kai thinks about the abuse he recieved from voltaire one shot


** hey this is my english essey! its higher english i'm doing very exciting...anyway i was, for weird reason, inspired by washing the dishes, and i wrote this and i tough oh this would b a good essey was going to do a different one called tears of sorrow but i dont know i'm never in the mood to write it feels like such a big hassle but anyway i wrote this instead. oh i missed out the abbey in this its a short story after all**

**summary: Kai thinks about his abusive past wth voltaire one shot**

**disclaimer: i dont own beyblade**

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The pain you have caused me

Never did I think that I would be standing before your grave at such a young age. I always thought I would be at least forty years old, not fourteen. I guess that's just the way life goes. I always wondered what it would be like if you died. How much would my life change? Who would I live with?

Now I know.

Do you remember dear_ grandfather,_ the day we buried my parents? I was only five years old. I can remember it all so well. I cried non-stop. I couldn't understand why they were putting my parents into the ground. Did you enjoy that? Seeing my pain as I said my last good-byes?

I can recall that day so well. I remember everything that happened that night too. I was innocently sitting on the floor, crying. You got up off your seat and I thought you were going to take me in your arms. But you didn't. Instead, you threw your hand at me, smacking my cheek so hard my heart stopped beating with shock, or so it felt. My screaming burned my throat raw, the pain in my cheek was incredible. More screams erupted from my lungs as your foot slammed into my ribs. Hot tears streamed down my painful cheeks and terror had replaced fear.

'Get up you filthy boy!' You growled at me.

I didn't move a muscle. I couldn't move. I was petrified that you'd hurt me again.

'I SAID GET UP! AND STOP CRYING YOU PATHETIC SCUMBAG!'

Trying to stand was extremely difficult. I was shaking so badly anybody would have thought I was taking a fit. I took in deep harsh breathes trying desperately to control my breathing. I couldn't stop sobbing, I was in too much pain. Your dark eyes went to my trousers, and I knew why. I had wet myself. I learned later on to control that.

Storming towards me I instinctively put my hands up to protect myself, not that it did me any good. 'NO GRAMPA! PLEASE NO!' Another strike to my face threw me across the room, sending me crashing into the wall behind me. Before I could register what had happened, you took a handful of my hair and repeatedly punched my chest. I couldn't stop screaming, I couldn't breathe, my vision was going, I lost consciousness.

You told the doctors I fell down the stairs. Bad bruises, head injury, broken ribs, damaged back, and you got away with it. And the abuse didn't stop there.

For the next two years I was rushed to the hospital eight or nine times. A different hospital after the third time to prevent suspicion. Nobody ever heard my cries in the night, an advantage for you because we lived in the countryside. The beatings got worse as I grew up. Beatings became more frequent, nearly every night. My classmates never noticed anything, even at P.E when I would change in the toilets. I now wonder why my P.E teachers didn't take much notice of all those bruises. I had gained a reputation for falling down the stairs or tripping up in the playground, all lies to hide the truth. And I suppose the bullies that hit me was a good excuse for the bruising. But no child could ever leave a bruise like you did _grandfather_.

Can remember the first time you took off your belt? of course you can, it was your favourite game. I was seven years old and as thin as a stick. You did not like it when I ate. You wanted me suffer. When I came home from school, you always forced me to put a toothbrush down the back of my throat. I was starving that night, I just couldn't help myself. I thought I would get away with sneaking food after one o'clock in the morning. How wrong I was.

I didn't even hear you come down the stairs, I thought you were asleep, but you were still wearing your clothes. I froze when I saw your fierce eyes, I dropped the cold chicken leg I was munching on and it landed with dead thud.

'You ungrateful lit-Hey!'

I ducked under his arm and made a break for it. I would lock myself in the bathroom and wait for him to leave for work in the morning. However, things never go my way did it? I tripped over your suitcase in our large hallway. My toes were in agony. You grabbed my hair and forced me to look into your deadly eyes.

'Thought you could get away with nicking food did you Kai? Naughty children need to be punished.'

I can still see your face, how could not? I saw it nearly everyday of my life. It was twisted, evil, cold emotionless eyes, and that horrible smirk, the smirk that showed me you overpowered me and there was no escape. The smirk that showed me no mercy. You tore off my pyjamas and unbuckled your old fashioned belt. I had no idea what you were planning on doing with it. Wrapping one end around your hand you raised you arm.

_Swish-thwack_!

The belt tore my skin open and my blood escaped from the cut. My scream echoed around the hallway and I could have swore I heard you laugh.

_Swish-thwack_!

Another blow to my arm. I screamed out in agony.

_Swish-thwack_!

the skin on my chest ripped open.

Swish-thwack!

Over and over again I watched your belt come down upon my vulnerable and fragile body. I couldn't count how many times you struck me. You rolled me over to shred my back. My blood covered the floor, the stains are still there but everyone believed you when you said it was red wine. After what felt like hours you finally stopped. My body burned in pain, I was emotionally, physically and mentally exhausted. You were completely satisfied with this.

'Why?' I asked almost inaudibly.

'Filthy scum.' Your spit hit my right eye. I just ignored it, I was too busy paying attention to your hands that reached down and scooped me up. You carried me upstairs in your arms, smiling pleasantly but your eyes were still cold, bitter, evil. 'Have you learned you lesson?'

I nodded. What else could I do _grandfather_? You filled the bath up with cold water and placed me in it. You scrubbed my cuts hard, your cold eyes showed pleasure. I watched the red liquid that was once clear go down the drain. You always enjoyed my tears, my fear. I looked up at you, my eyes glassy with moisture, mum and dad never hurt me. Why did you? I've caught myself asking myself if you ever hurt my dad while he grew up, if you can hurt your grandson, why not your son? I knew the answer. It was all my fault.

And now here we are. Your dead and my auntie is looking at me with concerned eyes. My aunt and uncle, cousins, they all didn't know. You managed to keep the whole family in the dark. As far as they knew, I was just a regular happy child. Birthdays, Christmas, Easter and all the other times my family came to visit, you made sure my bruise were covered. _Ha_! I'm a boy, and I was wearing make up at five years old. Wonderful.

Like any other family, we celebrated Christmas and my birthdays together. You always threw big fancy parties and allowed me to eat. I always managed to sneak some food into my bedroom and hide it. I always ended up with my toothbrush down my throat later at night. We played happy families with my aunts and uncles. I watched my cousins play football, computer games, arguments. I never joined in, I was seven and my youngest cousin was fifteen. I only had three cousins, two aunts and one uncle. Both of my aunts were my mothers older sisters. All these people didn't have a clue what really went on when they turned there backs.

You also murdered. _Grandfather_, how could have been so _cruel_? It was only a kitten for crying out loud. All I did was stroke it. Perhaps you don't remember? Shall I refresh your memory? It was a beautiful summers day and you let me play outside. Not that I ever did play. I was about nine years old and for the first time in years, I was in a park. I couldn't understand why you took me to a park but I didn't really care. My day got even better when a kitten came up to me. I didn't often get to stroke animals. It sat on my lap purring softly as I repeatedly stroked its soft warm fur. You looked up from your newspaper and saw me with the kitten.

Nobody was around, it was like they all left on purpose to hurt me. You stormed over to me, grabbed that poor creature by the neck and SNAP! You dropped the body on my lap. I sat motionless, staring at the defenceless kitten who now had no life. Soon, the kitten's body will stiffen and go cold. I looked up at to find you smirking. You new I was upset but did you care? You caring about me was as likely as hell freezing over.

From the age of five to fourteen, you tortured me, you abuse me, you betrayed me. You beat me and whipped me for no reason, or was there a reason? Did you blame me for my parents death? Their deaths was the reason why I ended up in your care in the first place. That too, I can remember. We were going to the shops, I was singing nursery rhymes. My dad as usual was speeding along the street. What we didn't know was that there was a nineteen year old boy speeding as well and before we knew it, our cars collided. I woke up in hospital three days later. No broken bones, just cuts and bruises. My parents weren't so lucky. I screamed in protest when you told me they were dead.

I've lost my parents, my childhood and now you. But I'm glad your gone, I know that sounds terrible but after the pain you caused me I cant help but be happy. I'm standing in front of your grave. The gravediggers put the dirt over your coffin just under an hour ago, I watched them. I could feel no emotion in my broken heart. I think I've thought of everything we've been through together, aunt Sally thought I should think about you, so I am. The abuse, the hatred. I thought you hated me because you blamed me for my parents death, or maybe its because you're an evil old git. Everything we've been though…up till your death.

Just two weeks ago you were breathing. Calling me names, and hitting me. I couldn't take it much longer, I wanted to hurt you back, so I did. As you sat in your armchair watching me dust the fireplace, you told me I was weak and pathetic. You said I couldn't defend myself. I snapped. Picking up an ornament, I swung it at your head, successfully knocking you out. I dropped to my knees and cried. I couldn't believe what I had done. I sat by your side for a good half hour praying you would wake up soon. I called my best friend Tala to come round.

Just after I let him in you woke up, and strangled me. Tala pulled your hair to get you off. It worked. You screamed your head off at me, your face was pure red with thundering rage. And that's when it happened. You clutched your chest and fell to the floor. A heart attack. I screamed as you gasped for breathe. You quickly stopped breathing and laid there, lifeless. Tala and I didn't know what to do. We panicked. We called for an ambulance, and you were pronounced dead an hour later. I was too shocked to say anything.

I told Tala what you did to me you know. He was horrified that he couldn't see it. He was horrified that it happened at all. He came with me to your funeral, he's over by the gate waiting for me. Just so you know, I'm living with Uncle Carl. Did you know he's stopped drinking? That's good of him isn't it? I feel stupid looking at your grave, your dead and I'm talking to myself, good thing I'm not speaking out loud. I think my life will change for the better now that your gone. My cuts and bruises are still healing, although the one on my arm may never heal. You've giving me a lot of scars. The mental ones are what I'm most worried about. I'll get therapy if I need it. For now, I can finally begin my slow recovery from all the pain you have caused me. I will never forget all the time we spent together no matter how much I wished I could. I hope my parents will disown you, wherever you all are.

'Good-bye grandfather.'

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**what do you think then? is it too much? i mean is it too horrible? how was the sentence structure? i dont even know what that is lol is there anything i should miss out? add? did i show enough emotion? did it make sence? easy to follow? for once i actually edited a story, i think this is the best one shot i've done. i should start editing my chapters before putting them on...please review and tell me what you think**


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